Ellie and the death by a thousand elastic band twangs

OK OK What a ridiculously melodramatic title and an apology to lovers of rubber bands and school kid pranks but today we're not actually talking about elastic bands but the wonderful glory that is facial hair removal.

For those that don't like pictures of pustules (my darling brother I'm talking to you) there will be some pictures of my face post treatment so be warned. (It's also a bit sweary in parts)

When I decided to transition I still felt I wasn't ready to take hormones but I knew for certain my facial hair HAD to go. Ever since my first wisp of facial hair started growing in my early teenage years it has repulsed me. I avoided looking at it, I shaved first thing in the morning and then sometimes again when I got home in the vague hope I would notice it less. So as soon as I knew I was going to do something about my dysphoria it was the first thing on my list to address.

Clare once asked me to grow it out so she could see what it looked like so for your benefit here's what It looked like before (Ew).

Being the naive kind of person I am I thought I'd rock up to the laser shop have a lovely zap and it would be gone like that. Err no.

After an assessment and a few test shots I went back for my first proper session. Emma, the laser lady, is such a kind and inclusive woman she always made me feel at ease and accepted me as I am even though I looked nothing like it then.

I lay down on the couch, she put some protective specs on, some cooling gel and then I felt the pressure of diode against my skin.

'Crack!' as the hair fizzled beneath the device and the smell of keratin akin to a teenager set free with a Bunsen burner in a chemistry class arose to meet my nostrils.

'Fuck. me.' I screamed internally it was SO sore. Like someone had twanged that biggest elastic band against my face. Oh well there can't be too many more to go can there?

570 (Five Hundred and Seventy) Zaps later, with tears rolling down my face we were done. I didn't scream and I didn't ask her to stop I am proud of both these things

'Thank you' I said, which in retrospect feels like the weirdest thing to say after someone has induced pain that has reduced you to tears but then it is all for a good cause.

Here's the immediate aftermath and a week later. The pain settles down after half an hour or so but then 2 days later you start breaking out in spots all over your face and they just keep coming and coming for the next week

It's ok though you think because its' just the once and now you have a lovely smooth face yes? No sadly not.

In order to get full removal you need 16 sessions. with 4-6 weeks between rounds. You think you're getting used to it and they turn up the power and tears start flowing again!

I've just had session twelve and whilst it is still sore it is nowhere near as bad now. I've also started electrolysis for the white hairs which is a story for another day and a whole different world of pain.

I'm incredibly privileged to be able to pay for this. NHS waiting lists at 5 plus years and they only offer up to 8 sessions, half the amount required. It's £150 a session so for a lot of people this just isn't an option.

I'm over a year into it and despite the pain of it all it has been so worth it. I can now go days without shaving. I don't always have a five o'clock shadow and I'm not conscious of the stubble all over my face all the time. Here's a pic of what it looks like when I haven't just been zapped!

So here's to death by a thousand elastic band flicks and taking steps to making me the me I've always known myself to be!

Thanks for reading :)