A letter from the Cats (Alfie really as George and Percy can't write but they agree with everything)

Dear Mummies,

We're writing to inform you that we shan't be returning from our holidays. We know that you are very busy with work and you needed to go on vacation but frankly we were displeased with being shipped off to the 'cattery' whilst you sunned yourself in glorious climes of Cornwall.

How you think you could manage without our majestic magnificence for a week is frankly beyond us. But think this you did. So we thought we'd show you how you may have thought that we got the short straw but you are wrong.

When we arrived they knew our names. Which Is more than can be said for most of the visitors you have to the house.

We're disappointed everyone isn't aware of who we are because we are glorious in every way.

Anyway we were given a tour of our room. It was satisfactory I suppose. A little short on thrones but it will do.

We were welcome by a very loud human who seemed very excited to see us, as she should of course. We approved of her very much. She seemed to understand that we were not merely to be tolerated but to be worshipped. We are after all the symbols of Isis and gatekeepers to life and death. Well done for choosing somewhere that understood this.

Following our tour we felt somewhat peckelish it's hard being a

cat. We need to sustain ourselves for all the lying around we need to do. Thankfully the room we were put in had appropriate nutrition.

Frankly after the tour of our room we were tired so we went for a snooze. Percy of course took the ring bed while me and George decided to lounge about on the bed in our room. It sufficed but it's not as comfy as our bed, sorry I mean YOUR bed, at home. At least there weren't any superfluous humans to work around.

We need to have a conversation about the entertainment at home. Particularly the outside entertainment. Particularly the fact that we are allowed outside here.

Whilst George might be happy to wander around the garden eating grass on a lead, we would like unfettered access to the outside. Preferably fenced in so nothing can really get to us, but so we can feel the wind in our fur and the grass under our feet. We'd prefer real grass rather than fake, it tastes better (so George tells us).

Whilst you're at it, please could you get us a large cat tree for us to laze around in

all day. It must have adequate scratching areas and plenty of levels for us to sit on. And eat treats off

You need to up the catnip availability at home. We have SO MUCH catnip here. It is fresh, it is dried, it is EVERYWHERE. You know what you need to do.

Don't get us wrong. There are a few things that we miss. On demand cuddles. A surfeit of blankets. Dreamies o'clock at about 9pm. But other than that... you know what you need to do.

We look forward to your response following which we may consider returning to your home but until then we'll be in a tree.